Ice Cream . . .

is like fast food from the freezer. All you have to do is get it out of the freezer, put it in a bowl and eat it. its just awesome.

thinking too much about "The Queen"

A few nights ago I saw "The Queen." Its essentially about the monarchy in the United Kingdom and particularly, how the Queen responded to the death of Princess Diana. A lot of the movie details her personal dilemma of being what the people "need" and preserving the popularity of the monarchy while upholding tradition and what she feels is her personal duty.

A the end of the movie she is talking to Tony Blair and says that she has been taught all of her life to put "duty before self," always putting the monarchy before any personal desires, and that is what she has always thought the people wanted her to do. Tony Blair responds by saying that "perhaps it is time to modernize."

As i watched the movie, especially the closing dialogue, i couldn't help but think about the gospel. The movie was by NO means an analogy for the gospel, or even any sort of parallel, it just got me thinking.

Isnt duty before self what Jesus taught? Only, with the added twist that duty before self is in fact the greatest thing for self? That by no longer seeking to glorify self, and pursue the desires of self, but seeking God's glory and that which HE desires for us, we will actually receive that which is the absolute best for us, delighting in Him, and His greatness.

The problem arises i think, when we attempt to "modernize" things, by making God into what we think we need Him to be, by trying to change God, making Him into someone we are more comfortable with, instead of facing the reality of who He is, and trusting that He is good. When we modernize Him,  when we try to fit Him to our image and what we want instead of loving, adoring, revering and delighting in Him for who He actually is, we no longer delight, glorify and serve the God who is indeed God. A God by whom all good comes, by whom we receive our purpose, our joy, but instead we are serving a god we created to suit what we think we need at the time, and our desires, which i say are whimsical at best, and will never last. A god that will never give lasting reason to put duty and deity before self, but will only continue to push us to serve self first and foremost.

Running the Race

A few days ago I got new running shoes. I have had my old ones for three years, but never felt the need to replace them, but recently i changed my mind and for good reason . . .

over thanksgiving i spent a lot of time at doctor's offices because my lupus has been pretty bad for the last 8 months or so. Pretty bad meaning, I had been in pain just about every day, mostly in my arms and shoulders, but also in my knees, hands, toes and wrists. 

"being bad in my shoulders" meant that i had a lot of trouble lifting my arms above my head and lifting just about anything without getting shooting pains in my arms. the real bummer was that if i moved at all when i slept, i would get real bad pain that would wake me up so i hadnt been sleeping well for a long time. and when i dont get enough sleep, the inflammation and pain gets worse.

SOOO, when i went to see my amazing doctor and told him all of this, he did some great things for me. 1. gave me new medicine, and it works great. 2. gave me 4 cortisone shots, my arms felt better within two hours and literally haven't hurt since. 

all this to say, i sleep great every night, have tooooons of energy now, and have had zero pain anywhere for the last three weeks. which has made me real excited to actually run and excercise again!!!!! so, i got new running shoes!! (at the Rack by the way, for only $30)

I must say,  the Lord's providence in all of this has been astounding. A few nights before I received the new medicine and the cortisone, the Lord was reminding me of how much joy and hope he has bestowed upon me over the last few months. I was thinking a lot about Paul and the thorn in his side (2 Corinthians) and how he asked for it to be removed but it was not. And how Paul continued on in ministry anyway. I won't lie, I have asked for at least the pain to be removed but it never was. And I am so grateful for that. Because I know, without question, that it was only by the Lord's strength that I have been able to be on campus and doing ministry every day. Because most days, as i was wincing in pain while getting dressed,  you would think I would question my ability to get through that day, but i never did. The Lord never allowed me to. He would just remind me that I was going to do nothing that day, and He would do everything I needed and more. He would give me the strength and the joy. 

I pray that when and if the pain comes back again, I will count myself blessed to suffer, if it means the Lord's glory will be on display through the way he strengthens me in my weakness

Oopsies

Today . .. was an entertaining day. On my way to campus I was walking by the parking lot and there was a kid riding his bike. He was kinda swerving around and goofing off but then he braked really hard and skidded and almost fell off. But THEN, he decided to go up a curb, wherein he hit the curb too hard and the bike stopped . . . and he kept going, off the bike. Dont worry, he was fine, he didnt fall that hard. But the thing is, i secretly laughed pretty hard.

At the end of the day i was walking back to my car and there was a kid skateboarding. same situation, he was swerving and messing around and then he fell. but not lightly. he fell real hard. and in the middle of the street. he was ok too. i asked him. he was bleeding but mostly ok. but i kinda giggled at him too.

so i started thinking about all of the times i have fallen. i fall a lot. its because i am so uncoordinated. whats really funny about when i trip is that i always look around for other people. i am not sure if i want there to be people that saw me or not.

in the end i have decided its better to fall on your face with a bunch of people that you know so that you can laugh at it. if you fall on your face and laugh when you're by yourself, you look uncoordinated and crazy. when ur with people, you just look uncoordinated. 

i have deep thoughts today

Crazy Blessed

I have been feeling like life is a little bittersweet right now. The thing is that I am pretty sure that i have the most amazing friends, more amazing than you would ever think possible. But the other thing is that over the last few months everyone has moved away from each other. And they are all doing the most amazing things, international and short term missions, seminary, entering the work force, getting married and so on. So i really cant be bummed, because i am so excited for all of them. Everything that comes to me is from the Lord's ordination or permission, and by the same cause sometimes leaves as well.

The Lord has blessed me greatly with people who have challenged me and help me grow, and i can be nothing but grateful to the Lord for them. I was not owed them, but in His mercy the Lord chose to bless me. But the beauty of the Body of Christ is some of that which i lacked, i learned from them and so the Lord has blessed me eternally because of them. . . even if they did move away. :)

so i guess the point of this post is another lesson - people are going to come and go, but it is by the will of the Lord which i trust in my soul, so praise God for them while they were here, and praise God for them for where they are going.

but you know you all better come visit me . . .:)

the MAGNA

Ever since i moved to the new apartment I have been thinking that a new bike was in order. I could ride it to campus, I could ride it downtown. . . I could save gas money . . . and enjoy the bike riding experience. The problem is/was i dont have a bike. So i thought i would buy one. false- bikes are hundreds of dollars now (not to sound like my grandpa, but when did that happen?). My next idea was to buy a used bike on craigslist. Bikes there- still at least $150. and i am cheap. which is why i want to ride my bike in the first place.

soooo, all of this means that i decided to have my dad bring down my old bike. now, when i say old bike, you should know .. that i mean OLD. this bike is the one that i got when i was in the 8th grade. which was 12 years ago. so dad brought the bike down. it was falling apart and didnt work at all. Andrew Burger to the rescue. he fixed it for me.

the bike however, is purple and green and so unbelievably old school awesome. Burger's awesome girlfriend Bonnie is pretty sure she had the same sort of bike in junior high. 

i have decided to embrace the Magna though, so if you see me on it- you can judge me for its ridiculousness. but remember, i love it.

Sovereignty

I found this prayer in a book that I am reading. There isn't one line that stands out to me, because the whole thing is pretty sweet. Trust in the Lord's plan doesn't always come naturally. (at least to me) this prayer helps. It was written by Lade Jane Grey as she was in her prison cell. Waiting to be beheaded. My life is never that dramatic, but that doesnt change the awesomeness of the prayer.

O Merciful God, be Thou Unto me

A strong tower of defence, 

I humbly entreat Thee.

Give me grace to await thy leisure, 

And patiently to bear

What thou doest unto me; 

Nothing doubting or mistrusting

Thy goodness towards me, 

for thou knowest what is good for me

Better than I do. 

Therefore do with me in all things

What thou wilt; 

Only arm me, I beseech Thee, 

With Thine armor, 

That I may stand fast, 

Above all things taking to me

The shield of faith, 

Praying always that I may, 

Refer myself wholly to thy will

Abiding The pleasure, and comforting myself

In those troubles which it shall please Thee

To send me, seeing such troubles are profitable for me, 

And I am assuradely persuaded that all Thou does

Cannot be but well; and unto Thee

Be all honor and glory. Amen