thinking too much about "The Queen"

A few nights ago I saw "The Queen." Its essentially about the monarchy in the United Kingdom and particularly, how the Queen responded to the death of Princess Diana. A lot of the movie details her personal dilemma of being what the people "need" and preserving the popularity of the monarchy while upholding tradition and what she feels is her personal duty.

A the end of the movie she is talking to Tony Blair and says that she has been taught all of her life to put "duty before self," always putting the monarchy before any personal desires, and that is what she has always thought the people wanted her to do. Tony Blair responds by saying that "perhaps it is time to modernize."

As i watched the movie, especially the closing dialogue, i couldn't help but think about the gospel. The movie was by NO means an analogy for the gospel, or even any sort of parallel, it just got me thinking.

Isnt duty before self what Jesus taught? Only, with the added twist that duty before self is in fact the greatest thing for self? That by no longer seeking to glorify self, and pursue the desires of self, but seeking God's glory and that which HE desires for us, we will actually receive that which is the absolute best for us, delighting in Him, and His greatness.

The problem arises i think, when we attempt to "modernize" things, by making God into what we think we need Him to be, by trying to change God, making Him into someone we are more comfortable with, instead of facing the reality of who He is, and trusting that He is good. When we modernize Him,  when we try to fit Him to our image and what we want instead of loving, adoring, revering and delighting in Him for who He actually is, we no longer delight, glorify and serve the God who is indeed God. A God by whom all good comes, by whom we receive our purpose, our joy, but instead we are serving a god we created to suit what we think we need at the time, and our desires, which i say are whimsical at best, and will never last. A god that will never give lasting reason to put duty and deity before self, but will only continue to push us to serve self first and foremost.

Running the Race

A few days ago I got new running shoes. I have had my old ones for three years, but never felt the need to replace them, but recently i changed my mind and for good reason . . .

over thanksgiving i spent a lot of time at doctor's offices because my lupus has been pretty bad for the last 8 months or so. Pretty bad meaning, I had been in pain just about every day, mostly in my arms and shoulders, but also in my knees, hands, toes and wrists. 

"being bad in my shoulders" meant that i had a lot of trouble lifting my arms above my head and lifting just about anything without getting shooting pains in my arms. the real bummer was that if i moved at all when i slept, i would get real bad pain that would wake me up so i hadnt been sleeping well for a long time. and when i dont get enough sleep, the inflammation and pain gets worse.

SOOO, when i went to see my amazing doctor and told him all of this, he did some great things for me. 1. gave me new medicine, and it works great. 2. gave me 4 cortisone shots, my arms felt better within two hours and literally haven't hurt since. 

all this to say, i sleep great every night, have tooooons of energy now, and have had zero pain anywhere for the last three weeks. which has made me real excited to actually run and excercise again!!!!! so, i got new running shoes!! (at the Rack by the way, for only $30)

I must say,  the Lord's providence in all of this has been astounding. A few nights before I received the new medicine and the cortisone, the Lord was reminding me of how much joy and hope he has bestowed upon me over the last few months. I was thinking a lot about Paul and the thorn in his side (2 Corinthians) and how he asked for it to be removed but it was not. And how Paul continued on in ministry anyway. I won't lie, I have asked for at least the pain to be removed but it never was. And I am so grateful for that. Because I know, without question, that it was only by the Lord's strength that I have been able to be on campus and doing ministry every day. Because most days, as i was wincing in pain while getting dressed,  you would think I would question my ability to get through that day, but i never did. The Lord never allowed me to. He would just remind me that I was going to do nothing that day, and He would do everything I needed and more. He would give me the strength and the joy. 

I pray that when and if the pain comes back again, I will count myself blessed to suffer, if it means the Lord's glory will be on display through the way he strengthens me in my weakness